My clever, younger, and faraway best friend Kathy Connelly -- who graduated a year behind me at Notre Dame -- forwarded an email from Gray Nocjar, ND Class of 2027 and current managing editor of the university's student newspaper, The Observer.
Gray addressed his note to past Observer leaders (leaving me out since, sigh, I was a lowly reporter and copy editor), noting that this fall marks The Observer's 60th anniversary. He is compiling an anecdotal history of the paper, calling on us to "take up the mantle again and write one last story for their newspaper."
So here goes: one last Observer story by Bob Varettoni (aka "Scoop," as my Pangborn Hall dormmates called me).
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It was a dark and stormy night in Totowa, N.J. Suddenly, a shout rang out.
It was my mother, on the eve of my 22nd birthday. "Bobby," she said, "this came in the mail today." She hurled a cardboard tube up the stairs. The return address, written in the block type of a kidnapper: PO Box Q, Notre Dame, Ind.
Inside was a continuous, 12-foot scroll of yellow copy paper that had been left in a manual typewriter in The Observer's newsroom in September 1978... for anyone on staff to contribute to a birthday letter to me. I had graduated four months earlier, and I was homesick for everyone I had left behind in Indiana.
When I edited copy for The Observer, I would often, late in the evenings, leave a roll of paper in a random typewriter and start a rambling note (often beginning, like the cartoon-character Snoopy, "It was a dark and stormy night...") about my existential worries and non-existent love life (where, in the parlance of "Peanuts," I was always a chump).
- "God help us, Diane, barefooted, said 20 minutes ago that she was going to leave and go home and get some sleep. That's the way it always starts, you know..."
- "Keith Moon is dead... Life won't be the same anymore."
- "The editorial layout guy is weird. I think he is a cucumber."
- "I hope the night editor can get the paper out without having a heart attack. He's in the other room, cussing Odland under his breath for making this issue 24 pages long."
- "Well, here I am again typing to you before I bite the big one and end up going to class."
- "I tried out for 'You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown' the other night, and made a fool of myself in the process. I tried out for one part but got another when I pretended I was talking to you, and the bitchiness came out just right."
- "You know what? This paper is shifting to the left. When I set the margins on Sunday they were at 20 and 80. Now they are at 15 and 74. From Sunday to today makes five days, so that's an average of one space per day. At that rate, we will fall into the Pacific Ocean in about 2 billion years, long after California has sunk beneath the waves."
- "We wrote not one but two ed's tonight on Dean Roemer's new Alcohol Directive, which is intended to stop campus alcoholism. It's the latest controversy on campus. The latest amusement too. It equals last year's issue of Al Hunter's suspension."
- "I want to put Tide in the Crossroads Fountain and watch the bubbles."
- "I go to the Grotto every night at midnight -- just to check. I mean you never know who'll be there, right? I'm sitting up here and everyone else is working and I'm not. Maybe if I type fast, everyone will think I'm busy working too. Oh, by the way, you do know who this is, don't you? Of course you do. I mean who else searches empty grottos? We miss you here, Bob."
I miss you too, Ann. I miss everybody.
A favorite part of the letter was from Tim Joyce, "the ace copyreader on this godforsaken rag tonight." He was writing at 11:30 on a Wednesday night, a half hour before his 20th birthday.
"What a hell of a way to start off the best years of my life," Tim wrote. He heard I lived in New Jersey, which is where he lived before he left for the fall semester 10 days prior: "that state where the grass is green, the air is clean, and the slot machines will wipe you clean." He advised me to look up a Jersey Shore bar band called Holme.
"At least in N.J. they let you drink beer out of kegs," he added. "Dean Roemer just issued an order to confiscate all kegs at student tailgaters this Saturday. What a goddamn killjoy. Well, it's almost 12 now, and my teenage years are just a few ticks left on the clock."
Just now in 2025, I checked to see that, incredibly, Holme still plays rock 'n roll classics at D'Jais Bar in Belmar. Their 7 p.m. shows have no cover... and, I think, this birthday week I will pay a visit D'Jais and raise a glass to Tim, and to the memory of Dean Roemer, and to all the wonderful people who included their names in this letter I treasure, this fading yellow scroll in the drawer of my nightstand in New Jersey.
Thank you to all who wrote -- Kathy and Tim, and Phil Cackley, Ann Gales, Diane Wilson, Barb Langhenry, Barbara ("B. not L.") Block, Mare Ulicny, Rosemary Mills, Mike ("you know, the short guy… thin mustache… oh well, forget it") Lewis, Dan Letcher, Maribeth Moran ("your last year, loving day editor"), Mark Rust, Steve Odland, and Frank Kebe.
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you.
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PS -- Thank you, too, for the personal ads that appeared in The Observer that birthday week, which I don't remember (or wanted to forget) seeing before now... but which are somehow available forever in the paper's online archive.